IF I DIE TODAY.....my only regret is that I left behind some awesome sugar cookies

Yesterday, I had one of those food cravings that I identified as sugar cookie with frosting.  You know how sometimes you want something but you are unsure as to what it is you want?  Well,  I was grocery shopping and I perused the bakery and nothing looked good.  So I set about picking up something for dinner and when I saw a picture of a t-bone steak near the beef counter, I decided that yes, that sounded right.  After I determined it would be steak for dinner I had to circle back and pick up ingredients for how my steak would be prepared.  I needed rosemary and garlic for sure to make my kabobs.  After that I was headed towards check out and it struck me, SUGAR COOKIE.  Damn, it had been there all along, this craving but it didn't yet have an expression.  So, again, I circled back to the bakery and there on the bottom of the pile were some fresh sugar cookies with orange icing.  The expiration date was a week later so I knew they were fresh.

After arriving home and sufficient hand washing, I popped open that plastic container of cookies and it was exactly what I was looking for.  It just screamed yes, that was it.  It is akin to scratching that itch and hitting it directing on the spot it is screaming to be scratched.  

I then set about making dinner.  After dinner complete and very satisfying, I was watching television and it occurred to me that I would like another cookie.  I quickly inventoried my sugar intake for the day and yup it was up as I had a small piece of a rotting chocolate cake in the refrigerator earlier.  I decided that I didn't care.  That the time was now and in place of sitting here fending off my sugar cookie desire, I would indulge myself.  Again, it was satisfying.  It wasn't the type of thing where you eat it and then feel terrible afterwards.  Nope, it was good.  

It got me to thinking about how if I dropped dead today, my only regret would be that I left those cookies behind.  For in the non physical world, you don't get cookies.  At least it seems more than reasonable that there is no eating required.  Food matters.  Food is energy and we require energy for physical survival.  I am pretty sure I am not getting any cookies when I croak.  

One of my favorite sayings has been my idea of heaven is cake.  (Yes, I like cake too, more than cookies but this craving was for cookies).  I said this once at a work reception and to that another person replied that her idea of heaven  was football.  I could not think of a worse hell than an eternity of football.  And it just drove home in an idiosyncratic way how what is heaven to one person would be another person's hell.  This Colt's fan had no idea that football could be so utterly boring to another individual.  She sat there like it would be everyone's fantasy.  And for a lot of people it would probably be a pretty good eternity.  If you had to pick one thing to have on a deserted island for all of eternity what would it be.  I am pretty sure she liked cake too judging by the way she was shoving it down her gullet.  However, the idea of one thing for eternity would probably bore even the strictest of football fans.  

I have always wrestled with boredom.  Boredom is not my friend.  I get into trouble when I get bored.  I go looking for trouble, I guess, anything to break up the boredom.  As I have gotten further on down the bunny trail in life, though, I have become aware of my boredom and what I have sacrificed in order to break the monotony.  I have now come to the conclusion that boredom is not worse than trouble.  I would rather be bored than invite in horrible circumstances.  Like taking chances on relationships with men whom I know are not good for me.  No, anything is not better than nothing.  I have decided to deal with my own boredom and become entertained by myself.  ME.  I much more enjoy my own services to that of most people.  I have found that I am fun.  I am a riot and I do not need anyone else in my life to compromise my happiness. I can be happy all on my own without lowering my expectations to fit with someone who is coming along for the ride.  I do not want that ride for it does not quell the craving.  The craving I have been craving has been me all along.  I will laugh at my own jokes in place of entertaining someone else.  I will support myself when things aren't going along so well.  Yes, that is the key.  I will support my self in place of pouring all of my energies into someone else and barely receiving anything back.  My love is for me (and those pesky kids and animals of mine).  

And for giving myself what I want.  And sometimes it is as simple as a cookie.  

Nelly the Fat kitty Cat

Lily was the name on the name tag of the checkout/cashier at the grocery store today.  She had beautiful straight long red hair and perfect eyebrows.  I could not tell if her eyebrows were real or if they had been drawn on.  They were a light brown with swirlys on the ends that were closest to her nose (the big part of the brow).  Lily said to me "you are nice to your cat because you give it wet food".  I was indeed purchasing a round of Paws canned food, the grocery store brand I had just discovered that my two cats will eat.  I replied "they get both, wet and dry".  

"My cat only gets dry food" she said.  

"What kind of cat to you have?" I asked.

"I have a cat that is just like Garfield-really big, she's a big giant cat."  I could tell that Lily adored her feline friend.  

"Is she orange"? I asked.

"Yes" was the response.

"Male or female"?

"Female and they are the rarest".  I could tell that Lily took pride in having herself a female orange tabby, just like I take pride in having my own.

"Yes, I know, I have one.  What is your cats name?"

"Her name is Nelly and she is huge, she weighs 13 pounds."

"What kind of food does Nelly get?"

"She gets Iam's weight control."   With that all of us laughed at the thought at the visual of poor big Lily, including the young man bagging the groceries.  "And...it's not working, she's still so big".

Aw, poor Nelly, she is on a diet :(   Who doesn't know what it is like to be on a diet and it not be working!

When I was speaking to her about her kitty who apparently is on the hefty side, I was reminded how animals absorb or balance energy for humans.  I do not think Lily knew but our animals will take parts of our energy and hold it for us.  That is why sometimes they are overweight for they have absorbed it into their systems.  They lovingly do this for us.  They are here to help balance the human, our domesticated animals.  

Nature has a way of balancing our energies.  The non-domesticated animals are also lending a hand to keep things in balance.  However, they take on less individual energies and are working more with global energies.  The energy of gaia, mother earth, is made up of all of nature.  Animals, plants and minerals all work to balance this earth, so that we may all live here in harmony.  They are not separate from us but a part of us.  

Each animal is different and has unique attributes.  For example, the cat, their energy systems transform negativity.  Sometimes, the more negative the human, the fatter the cat!  Dogs,  well they do not run energy in the same way.  They will attach their energy systems to the humans and allow it to intermingle.  Thus, creating a booster pack of sorts.  That is why dogs can make you feel so good as they are so accepting that they become apart of you.  The dog can help open the heart by showing you how to do it in total trust and compassion.  You think it is the dog, but it serves as a connection with yourself.  

Animals are evolving just like we are.  They are evolving as we evolve.  When one moves, we all move.  

So that is what I learned today.  I learned about poor Nelly who cannot seem to lose weight.